I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
