I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
