Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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