he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize