They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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