just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
