we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
