The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
