**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
