She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
