Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
