ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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