I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
