You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
