his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
