My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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