It was confusing and full of hummus
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
