my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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