is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
