Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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