I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
