Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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