I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
This toilet bowl is my home.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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