I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
