cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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