You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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