K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
