shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize