I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
