have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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