I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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