I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
