You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
