ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
