i would punch a child for taco bell
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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