She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
