im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different