As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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