Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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