There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.