I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.