where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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