oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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