That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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