chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
