I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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