Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
