She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just high enough for therapy.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
