Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It's never too late to be topless.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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