i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
