I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
