So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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