Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This is the high leading the old right now
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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