Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
