I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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