Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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