I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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