Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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