Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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