he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
