He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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