i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
