I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
