AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
