We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Did I show you my penis last night?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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