Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize