I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
