i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
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