I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
