don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
