do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
