omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
