can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
