ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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