Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Found your dick twin last night
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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