Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
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I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
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You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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