that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
