Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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