Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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