Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
