I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
