its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
