i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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