but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
